And everyone should get along..
Okay children quiet down, quiet down
Children I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day
His name is Mr. Shady
Children quiet down please
Brian don't throw that (SHUT UP!)
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute
while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HE'S GOT AIDS!)
Good luck Mr. Shady

[Eminem]
Hi there little boys and girls (f*ck YOU!)
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
Say hi Bob! ("Hi Bob") Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom
and he don't got a job, cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
but his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
and wait in the parkin lot for waitresses off the clock
when it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
the ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge
'til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a "Dr."
He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her
and dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
they never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana,
and what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any - it's bad for you

Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)

See children, drugs are bahhhd (c'mon)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask him man)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's right)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (that's right)
So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
Then there's really nothin else to say (sing along)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Eminem]
My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
f*ck NO you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)
Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
Kids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
and spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back
Meet Zach, twenty-one years old
After hangin out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold
and decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys
and peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdrive
and his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*
His back starts tah - look like the McDonald's Arches
He's on Donald's carpet, layin horizontal barfin {*BLEH*
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him
"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!"
cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money
Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
and his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin yoga
And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac
So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you

Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)

See children, drugs are bahhhd (that's right)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (that's right)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack)
So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right)
And there's really nothin else to say (but umm)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Eminem]
And last but not least, one of the most humungous
problems among young people today, is fungus
It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off,
bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it
Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em..
And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?)
Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair
(Mr. Shady what's a G-string?) It's yarn Claire
Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?)
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus
Ya tongue gets, all swoll up like a cow's tongue (How come?)
cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!!)
See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
But your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)
But don't be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.
They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee
and get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault
So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't,
cause I'm bad for you

Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)

See children, drugs are bahhhd (uh-huh)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (put that down)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can ask)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will)
So kids say no to drugs (say no)
So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)
And there's really nothin else to say (that's right)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?

[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
Come on children, clap along (SHUT UP!)
Sing along children (Suck my motherf*ckin dick!)
Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)
So don't do drugs (Suck my motherf*ckin penis!)
so there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)
(Mushrooms killed Kenny! *fart* Ewww, ahhh!)
(So, f*cked up, right now..)

Alright partner
Keep on rollin’ baby
You know what time it is

Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Chocolate starfish) (Yeah)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (What?)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Gonna keep on rollin’ baby) (Come on)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’

Move in, now move out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now

Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (What?)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Come on)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Yeah)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’

Now I know y’all be lovin' this [shi*t] right here
L.I.M.P. Bizkit is right here
People in the house put them hands in the air
Cause if you don’t care, then we don’t care
1, 2, 3 times two to the six
Jonesin’ for your fix of that Limp Bizkit mix
So where the [f*ck] you at punk
Shut the [f*ck] up and back the [f*ck] up
While we [f*ck] this track up

Throw your hands up
Throw your hands up (Ladies and gentleman)
Throw your hands up (Yeah)
Throw your hands up
Throw your hands up

Move in, now move out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now

Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (What?)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Come on)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Yeah)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’

You wanna mess with Limp Bizkit? (Yeah)
You can’t mess with Limp Bizkit (Why?)
Because we get it on (When?) Every day, and every night (Oh)
And this platinum thing right here? (Uh-huh)
Yo, we’re doin’ it all the time (What?)
So you better get some beats and a some better rhymes (D'oh)
We got the gang set so don’t complain yet
Twenty four seven never beggin’ for a rain check
Old school soldiers blastin’ out the hot [shi*t]
That rock [shi*t] puttin’ bounce in the mosh pit

Throw your hands up
Throw your hands up (Ladies and gentleman)
Throw your hands up (Yeah)
Throw your hands up
Throw your hands up

Move in, now move out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now

Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Come on)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (What?)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Yeah)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’

Hey ladies, hey fellas
And the people that don’t give a [f*ck]
All the lovers, all the haters
And all the people that call themselves players
Hot mamas, pimp daddies
And the people rollin’ up in Caddies
Hey rockers, hip hoppers
And everybody all around the world

Move in, now move out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now

Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Yeah)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (What?)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Come on)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’

Move in, now move out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now

Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (What?)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Come on)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (Yeah)
Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’

Don't wanna be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation under the new media.
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mindf*ck America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
Well that's enough to argue.

Well maybe I'm the ****** America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along in the age of paranoia.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
Well that's enough to argue.

Don't wanna be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information nation of hysteria.
It's going out to idiot America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.

[Eminem] May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're gonna have a problem here.. Y'all act like you never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door and started whoopin her ass worse than before they first were divorce, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!) It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding, he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And Dr. Dre said... nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!) Feminist women love Eminem {*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*} "Slim Shady, I'm sick of him Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what Flippin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though!" Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' bedrooms Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose "My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips" And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is Of course they gonna know what intercourse is By the time they hit fourth grade They got the Discovery Channel don't they? "We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals who cut other people open like cantaloupes {*SLURP*} But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope {*EWWW!*} But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X) I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up? [Eminem] Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records; well I do, so f*ck him and f*ck you too! You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me "But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here? So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears? shi*t, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst and hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV "Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!" I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD {*AHHH!*} I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you {*bzzzt*} And there's a million of us just like me who cuss like me; who just don't give a f*ck like me who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me and just might be the next best thing but not quite me! Chorus [Eminem] I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you things you joke about with your friends inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all I just get on the mic and spit it and whether you like to admit it {*ERR*} I just shi*t it better than ninety percent of you rappers out can Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty I'll be the only person in the nursin home flirting Pinchin nurses asses when I'm jackin off with Jergens And I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin He could be workin at Burger King, spittin on your onion rings {*HACH*} Or in the parkin lot, circling Screaming "I don't give a f*ck!" with his windows down and his system up So, will the real Shady please stand up? And put one of those fingers on each hand up? And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go? Chorus 2X [Eminem] Ha ha Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us f*ck it, let's all stand up

More from artist : Eminem More from album : The Marshall Mathers LP