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Monday, October 27, 2008
Something interesting happened at work today.  As I was conversing with a fellow associate about what they should do in their current situation (in relevance to relationships and some small financial matters) they stopped me...


  That person asked me why are you so good at helping others and you know everything to say at the right moment but everytime I see you it seems that you're troubled or disturbed mentally or in deep thought or either just downright depressed and if anything just apathetic most of the time if you don't have those headphones in your head?  It seems like nothing just will ever go your way no matter how faithful you are to someone or how honest you are and how respectful you are...how do you maintain that type of composure even though everything just falls down everyday on you?

  At first I didn't really know what to say.  As the person elaborated on and on I decided to elaborate just a tad bit on basically how to cope but not to much because that wouldn't be me.  I elaborated just enough to show a scratch of the surface of my situation.

  This person stopped me again when I was just about through with explaining and told me something else.  This person told me that no matter how self-sufficient I am and how much I sit and ponder alone then solve my issues myself there is going to be that day when I just breakdown and everything comes out...and who's there to hear you out is completely depending on the actions I make now.  I hear that a lot so I wasn't phased but as I reflect upon my past a bit I think to myself....


  I have to end this now.  I am still a bit perplexed due to some other abstract thoughts and new matters thrown at me to dwell in thought over my hours of "Sleep" so I guess I'll finish this another time.  Peace kids.
View Comments Add/View Comments (0) Tags:Contemplation, Self, Reassurance
Published by Ace_Skates_LVS: 11:51 PM

Monday, October 27, 2008
It was unknown untill it gradually presented it's self as a pre-conceived notion of happiness and a source of solace that one can throw themselves into oh so willingly knowing the full consequences of forcing a fallacy to become some abstract perspective of what one can only hope to be a reality.  Selfish acts such as what one has done can only be lived with on the lesson that one learns which is even though everything even remotely relevant to a significant other can not be forced or falsely believed to go how one may want it no matter if it always didn't go as planned in the past one has to let it be.  By despertately clinging on to the positive words said by another one can be put into a state of false reassurance that gets obliterated repetitiously by the biased thoughts that are always contemplated by one daily.  It's not an obsession it's the ultimate wish of ones life that was percieved to be actually in ones grasp.  It's the unfathomable feeling that one would want to be able to share.  The ever fluctuating emotions that are always felt is something that can throw one into multiple yet diverse states of depression excitement anxiety hopefulness that are harmful to ones resolve at times.  Never has it been within ones comprehension how someone elses words could be irrelevant but someone that is special to someone can send one into a downwards spiral of psychological bewilderment by just informing one of something that has even the smallest hint of the complete opposite of what one would want.  One's resolve struggles to stand strong but one is only human and can only withstand the tempting malicious charm of giving in and.....just putting one's heart where it belongs....which means alone to one's self.  One strives to analyze situations from diverse perspectives in order to do nothing but understand it all.  One....one would want everything to just be okay just for once.  Impossible it will always be for one to have ad ay of contemplation that doesn't include the single thought of....of you.  One read "surrender was never an option when it came to you" and one procured a perspective that from this day on there will never be just one anymore no matter what the future brings one will keep you in ones heart and when one looks back and notices one meant everything one said...one disappears.....now it's just me....just me standing here standing true to everything I have ever said...Just me remembering how it feels to actually believe for an instant that you meant what you said to me.  Just me sitting here everynight that I don't talk to you making excuses to myself as to why I shouldn't cry and just give up.  Just me at this very moment writing this full of tears as silent gags of regret escape my throat in front of these people I've come to call my friends.  Just me realizing as I am writing this...nothing will ever change.  Just me having even stronger feelings for you despite the conversations I've painfully yet silently endured about mutual association and "just friends".  Just me wanting you to know that I love you and I will always try to be there for you one way or the other friends, more than friends, even if we begin to drift apart and become nothing I respect everything you said and will understand your decisions in the future...I just want to say I'm sorry and I've never felt the need to be so apologetic in my life but it's just me now helping you
worrying you
annoying you
understanding you
respecting you
loving you
wanting you
missing you...
infinitely waiting for you....


Just me fully putting 110% in this all for you...
Just me...dedicating everything I have left to you....
View Comments Add/View Comments (0) Tags:blog, inspiration, rhetorical, love, psychology, poem
Published by Ace_Skates_LVS: 11:49 PM


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