Ahh what do you do exactly when you know you're just fed up, can't do anything but wait it out and feel like shi*t but don't wanta show it because you don't want pity, (And I post this knowing no more than 3 different people will read this anyways) and you can't stand being depressed knowing someone else has it so much worse, and you're seperated from the one person you want, no, the one you need to be with or talk to, to put the smile back on your face that got wiped away while you weren't paying attention? What do you do when giving up is not an option at all, yet at the same time there isn't shi*t you can do because your fate rests in anothers hands? And the only option you have left is the worse one of all, where you sit and wait it out so things can become better, but you know you have a gut feeling once you dig yourself out of your hole of depression and start to climb back up towards the sky, that somethen will come out of the corner of your eye and knock your legs out from under you only to put you back where you just came from?
Now I'm not sayen I'm paranoid and that everyone's out to get me, I'm not sayen I can never take a step forward in life with out having to take 2 steps back, I'm not sayen I'm gonna give up and just not try because no matter what I do it's not worth it(Because you are, you know I'm talking about you, and to me you are worth whatever shi*t we / you / I go thru, because most of the time it's worse for you) and I'm not sayen I'm never gonna feel better. All I'm really sayen is right now I'm feelen low, I want to be with someone and I can't due to bad reasoning and over reaction, and I'm just angry because I got stripped of the one thing that's made my life seem a lot better these past few months.
All this is, is an unclear group of words, that form a rant I needed to go on to relieve some stress and anger, that won't be read by more than 2 people, and so I feel no risk in expressing this because it won't be noticed at all, and nobody will leave feedback, or offer any advice besides the one person I expect it from... So ya, right now all I'm saying is I don't want to deal with this unnecessary bullshi*t, but to get her back and to make her feel better if I can, I will because I'm sick of a**holes maken her angry, sad, infuriated and depressed, and all I can try to do is wipe away her tears and frowns and not worry her and try to be there for her as much as I possibly can. I love you Mandy
