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my purpose: about me
By: elementskatefan23


 i also rode the short bus for my high school carrer. so if thats what you are looking for then im the right guy for you.  ive realized that i was never in special forces in the army. i went in and joined but only stayed for 6 weeks and got kicked out because i told them that i was crazy. which i have been commited to a instution for a short period of time in my younger years. i do have a temper and short memory, i am not the right guy for any women. all i want in a relationship for sex and once i have it im done with you. oh and by the way i don't have a chevy equinox but i do have a pedal bike if you wanna ride somewhere. oh yes and i do have 2 kids and another one on the way and i left them and my wife for some dumb person i met here. so good luck with me!!!!
 


Published On: 1/15/2009
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Searching for blood in the salty sea
The sun beating down on the chest in back of me
Looking for drugs in a southern town
Hey, hey, hey, hey
I’ve got this red right hand that points me south
The puke green clouds just spat me out into the hot, hot lands.
I landed with no shoes.

I hear
"Hey, hey, hey, hey come pollinate me"
"Hey, hey, hey, hey come pollinate me, hey"

Across the room, across the room, I hope to watch you writhe again soon.
Across the room, across the room, I hope to watch you writhe again soon.

Alright we're gonna do it again for ya now. Okay YEAH....OH YEAH....YEAH!

They've got the army of ears; they can’t hear you now
I got the piss in my veins in these furrowed brows
You've got this one last change to burn me, turn me down
If not I’ve got these last 12 bucks to spend on you
You can take me anywhere your sick mind wants to
Use yourself to fuel me using you

I hear
"Hey, hey, hey, hey come pollinate me"
"Hey, hey, hey, hey come pollinate me, hey"

Across the room, across the room, I hope to watch you writhe again soon.
Across the room, across the room, I hope to watch you writhe again soon.

I hear
"Hey, hey, hey, hey come pollinate me"
"Hey, hey, hey, hey come pollinate me, hey"

Across the room, across the room, I hope to watch you writhe again soon.
Across the room, across the room, I hope to watch you writhe again soon.
I hope to watch you writhe again soon.
 
 
The Writhing South - Say Anything


Published On: 5/5/2008
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My Blog: khbpoh
By: NickFerguson



I am taking the bait -
what do I have to lose right?



























Hope it works!



























Supposedly The Phone Will Ring
Right After You Do This.



























Just read the little stories and
think of a wish as you scroll all
the way to the bottom. There is
a message there - then make your
wish.
























No attachment on this one.



























Stories



























I'm 13 years old, and I wished
that my dad would come home from
the army, because he'd been having
problems with his heart and right
leg. It was 2:53 p.m . When I made
my wish. At 3:07 p.m. (14 minutes
later), the doorbell rang, and
there my Dad was, luggage and all!!









I'm Katie and I'm 20 and I've been
having trouble in my job and on the
verge of quitting. I made a simple
wish that my boss would get a new
job. That was at 1:35 and at 2:55
there was an announcement that he
was promoted and was leaving for
another city. Believe me...this
really works!!!















My name is Ann and I am 45 years
of age. I had always been single
and had been hoping to get into a
nice, loving relationship for many
years. While kind of daydreaming
(and right after receiving this email)
I wished that a quality person would
finally come into my life. That was at
9:10 AM on a Tuesday. At 9:55 AM
a FedEx delivery man came into my
office.He was cute, polite and
could not stop smiling at me. He
started coming back almost everyday
(even without packages) and asked me
out a week later. We married 6
months later and now have been
happily married for 2 years.



What a great email it was!!



























Just scroll down to the end, but
while you do, think of a wish.
Make your wish when you have completed
scrolling. Whatever age you are, is the
number of minutes it will take for your
wish to come true. ex.you are 25 years
old, it will take 25 minutes for your wish
to come true).



























However, if you don't send this to
people in 5 minutes, you will have bad
luck for years!!



Go for it!!!















SCROLL DOWN!!!!



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STOP!!!



Congratulations!!! Your wish will
now come true in your age minutes.



Now follow this carefully....it
can be very rewarding!!!!



If you repost this within the next 5 min.
something major that you've been wanting
will happen.



This is scary!



The phone will ring right after you repost as "Cell Phone Trick" 


Published On: 4/19/2008
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On April 9th, 2007 Emerica posted an article and an interview about signing Jerry Hsu.

Emerica Article:
No more guessing. You nailed it. Please help us welcome super shredder Jerry Hsu to Emerica Footwear and Gear. Have you seen Enjoi’s Bag Of Suck video? What about Man Down from the Tilt Mode Army? If you just said no twice, it’s sincere-iously time to wake up from the coma you’ve been in and get your ass down to your local skate shop for a screening! Everyone else, ’nuff said--you already know that Jerry’s skating is truly of epic proportions!

A longtime friend of Emerica, NorCal ruler Jerry fits in with the team like a brand-new pair of our shoes: absolutely perfect! In addition to joining the distinguished pros of Emerica Footwear, Jerry will also accompany Heath Kirchart and am Marquis Preston on Emerica Gear, and start breaking shi*t off for the next Emerica video, Stay Gold, coming in 2008. Daaaaayum! Jerry's interview is already up, so go dive on in for more details. Welcome to Emerica, Jerry!
[http://emericaskate.com/news/2007/04/09/guesshsu/]

Interview:
How and when did you start skating?
1992. It was a gang initiation thing.
Who were you skating with at first?
Myself.
What terrain were you riding at first?
Flat ground and a piece of wood with a 2 x 4 under one end.
Who were some early influences on your skating?
The bad, older kids with green hair and 42-inch waist jeans.
Do you enjoy skating in contests?
No.
How could contests be improved?
Weapons.
What is good / bad about being a pro?
Everything's good, nothing's bad.
What do you think of skate videos?
Less blah-blah-blah, more raw-raw-raw.
Which are your favorites?
Barbarians at the Gate.
Do you enjoy shooting video parts?
Oh, its the best!
Do you skate small stuff like curbs and parking bumps?
Exclusively.
Why are curbs not allowed in magazines and videos anymore?
They're not allowed anymore?!
When was the last time you saw a curb in a magazine or video? Do you skate vert ramps?
Not really. If I do, it’s toward the bottom where its flat.
Do you skate backyard pools?
I don't do pools.
What do you think of public concrete skateparks?
They’re a good place to sell shoe packages.
How could they improve the design?
By not letting complete boneheads design them.
Should skateparks copy real street spots like Love Park and EMB?
Yes, but security guards and homeless people should be included in the overall design.
How did you get on Emerica?
Bethany Regan is a close personal friend of mine.
What do you like about Emerica?
They're my bros and they pay for my crystal healing sessions in New Mexico.
Who do you skate with now?
Everybody.
Who are your favorite skaters of all time?
Tino Razo.
What have been the highlights of your skateboarding career?
I was on the BET Network once, I think.
Is there anything in skateboarding you haven't done that you'd like to accomplish?
A reality show and sports drink deal. Duh.
What do you enjoy besides skating?
I enjoy everything besides skating.
What music, art, books have you been enjoying lately?
Religious literacy by S. Prothero.
What are your future goals?
To floss every night.
[http://emericaskate.com/team/jerry-hsu/bio/]


Published On: 4/11/2007
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Many inmates have grown up without their father. Does that make us what we are? Is that the reaso?
At age two my mother dropped me off at my grandmother's and went to the grocery store... never to return... but did she die? No, but my love for her easily died away...
That man who left my mother, brother and sister-to-come, to better our lives by joining the army, never returned. That man, instead of returning, made his roots as a drug dealer after going AWOL from the army. That man took us away from my loving grandmother at age six. Was this my father's resurrection? Did it bring me joy?
That man beat me since i was six...
That man took his sons and daughter's money to pay off his drug dept...
That man kicked me out whe i hit fourteen...
That man still grows his money in my closet...
That man locked me in my room seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, grade... no TV, no radio - just my thoughts. With each crack of his fists, each kick, he took my heart out of my young chest, but it still beats in the palms of his hands. i may not have a heart... but it still beats... i never struck back... did he care? My pain expresses his love... I've been released... that man won't get me
... I sold drugs but never cheated anyone, I still live the streets, he may have created me, but I am still here, he will not destroy me.. I will destroy me.
That man... who is that man? My father without a heart (which still beats in his hand)... I still love that man...that man...my father,
Cry for that...
Why do they call me 100 Namez-
'cause my father used 100 names for me


Published On: 3/24/2007
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My Blog: my homies.
By: ACE_DA_MAN


This is my third tattoo.God Rocks.This tattoo was 10 dollars.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
This is my homie "CHY" she is cool and down.She is going to be a tattoo artist and one day she will be well known.I hope we stay cool.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
This was done by my buddy.She is one of my favs.Love ya buddy.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
First thing in my life is and always will be god.Never forget "for god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son."
 
 
 
 
 
 
This is martin.What can i say he is a real life hero.He has been a bro of mine since 7th grade.He use to be a mean pot head.Now he is in the army.He is only 18 years old.Man i miss him and wish he was here at home not in iraq.He is truly a hero.please keep him in your prayers.God bless you martin.Love ya man!!!
 
 
 
This here is mike.He is one cool mofo.I have known this kid since he was in 6th grade.He has always been there for me and kept me up.He is always helping me out and their to lend a hand.When im down i go to him and he picks me up.I got much love for him he is the coolest.
 
 
 
This is Jon aka "skinny bonez".i have known him a amazing 14 years.Some times we dont see eye to eye but we always get down.He is single ladys.if you would like to know more about him hit me up.He is the crazyest dude ever.He will steal your pants while you wear them.He is a stright up "G".All i got to say to him is thanks for being my bro.
 

a true friend (if your one you will read_

A TRUE FRIEND WILL
HAVE YOUR BACK....


A TRUE FRIEND WOULD SAY "DONT LEAVE"
OR"WILL YOU BE BACK"......


A TRUE FRIEND WILL
NEVER TALK SMACK
IN FRONT OF YOU OR BEHIND YOUR BACK.


A TRUE FRIEND WONT GET YOU IN TROUBLE
OR HURT YOUR FEELINGS AND ALL THE CRAP.


A TRUE FRIEND WOULD TALK TO YOU EVEN IF THERE MAD
AND A TRUE FRIEND WILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOUR SAD.


A TRUE FRIEND WOULD SAY "LOVE YOU BRO"
NOT JUST BLOW YOU OFF.

YOU SAY YOUR MY FRIEND THEN PROVE IT.
DONT JUST SAY IT.

 My poem i wrote.
 
 
 
 
 
God is love.
 
God is fear.
 
God is always going to be here.
 
He forgave us for sin
 
All we need to do is let him in.
 
When he cleans us out.
 
The holy ghost will begen to sprout.
 
When we feel the love of god.
 
We find that sin makes us sick with-in.
 
This is my poem to god.
 
Now lets go get the word out about him.
 
 
 
 
Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of 
what they wanted to become when they grew up. The first little tree 
looked up at the stars and said," I want to hold treasure. I want to be 
covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I'll be the most 
beautiful treasure chest in the world!" 
The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by 
on it's way to the ocean." I want to be traveling mighty waters and 
carrying powerful kings. I'll be the strongest ship in the world!" 
The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy 
men and women worked in a busy town." I don't want to leave the mountain 
top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, 
they'll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the 
tallest tree in the world!" 
Years passed. The rain came, the sun shone and the little trees 
grew tall. One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain. The first 
woodcutter looked at the first tree and said," This tree is beautiful. It 
is perfect for me. "With a swoop of his shining ax, the first tree fell. 
"Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful 
treasure!" the first tree said. The second woodcutter looked at the 
second tree and said,
"This tree is strong. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his 
shining axe, the second tree fell. 
"Now I shall sail mighty waters!" thought the second tree." I 
shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!" 
The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter 
looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to 
heaven. But the woodcutter never even looked up. 
"Any kind of tree will do for me." He muttered. With a swoop of 
his shining axe, the third tree fell. 
The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a 
carpenter's shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feedbox 
for animals. The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold nor with 
treasure. She was coated with saw dust and filled with hay for hungry 
farm animals. The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a 
shipyard, but no mighty sailing ship was made that day. Instead the once 
strong tree was hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was 
too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river; instead she 
was taken to a little lake. The third tree
was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her 
in a lumberyard 
"What happened?" The once tall tree wondered. 
"All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to 
God..."
Many, many days and nights passed. The three trees nearly 
forgot their dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the 
first tree as a young woman placed newborn baby in the feedbox. 
"I wish I could make a cradle for him." 
her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the
starlight shone on the smooth and sturdy wood. 
"This manger is beautiful." She said. And suddenly the first 
tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world. One evening 
a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The 
traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out
into the lake. Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little 
tree shuddered. She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many 
passengers safely through with the wind and the rain. The tired man 
awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand and said," Peace." 
The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. And suddenly, the second 
tree knew he was carrying the king of heaven and earth. One Friday 
morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the 
forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry 
jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man's hand to her. 
She felt ugly and harsh and cruel. But on Sunday morning, when the sun 
rose and the earth trembled with joy beneath her, the third tree knew 
that God's love had changed everything. It had made the third tree 
strong. And, every time people thought of the third tree, they would 
think of God. That was better than being the tallest tree in the world. 
So next time you feel down because you didn't get
what you wanted, just sit tight and be happy because God is thinking of 
something better to give you.


Published On: 3/23/2007
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HUA!!! Newly promoted PFC Vasquez here saying what up to everyone. I am MOSQ and ready to have fun in the real Army. My job is awesome as a 94Y (IFTE procision technician) I do a job that takes years of colledge with less then one year of training. Pretty much I fix stuff. Army life isn't too bad... I am happy with the love of my life Kate and am going to Ft. Drum NY. I hope to be a Drill Sergeant soon. So if you are intrested in the army and have questions I will be more than glad to answer them as honestly as possible.


Published On: 1/2/2007
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 My second blog:  My friend just went off to the army, i am not sure when i will see him again. We had some hard times but i am glad that we got to set aside our grudge in time to hang out for about a month before he left. His brother isn't doing so great and his girlfriend is upset. Me... im ok for now, it will probably hit me in a few days when i realize we wont be hanging out for a long time. But for now  I am going to worry about work and just keep living my life until i hear from him or until he returns home. I am not sure when that will be since he is a full time soldier, but until then i will keep in touch with his family, cause they are like a second family to me.


Published On: 11/6/2006
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So yeah, I like FPS's Uhh..What can I say, uhh there's nothing like the rush of hunting people down and killin' em. I mean my heart's beatin', my heart's beatin', my hands are shakin', my hands are shakin', but I'm still shootin', I'm still gettin' the head shots. It's like BOOM! Head Shot! BOOM! Head Shot! BOOM! HEAD SHOT!!
 
Doug (holding knife)-Wanna go for a jog, man? We can go for a jog
Friend-okay, but what are you doing with a knife?
Doug-What do you mean? You run faster with a knife. Everyone runs faster with a knife. Pfft.  So what do you wanna do man? I mean what do you wanna film like?  You wanna film me own noobs doin' the same old thing? But I mean, what do you and Jeremy usually do?
Friend- We just walk around and stuff..
Doug- (laughs) Are you se--Whaaaat? Man I got some wheels.
 
 
So I don't know, I guess I can tell you some bit about myself.  I work every once in awhile, occasionally you know. I can't really hold down a job. People like me it's really tough.  You know my dad owns a gun shop, but you know he doesn't like to admit it, but I think it makes him real nervous when I work there. Because, uh,  anytime I get a gun in my hands it automatically points to somebodies head.  Sometimes I think maybe  I wanna join the army.  I mean it's basically it's like FPS, except better graphics. But what happens if I get lag out there? I'm dead.  I mean I even heard there's no respawn points in RL.  What do you do when you're a person like me  and you're born to play FPS?  I guess there's nothing left to do but play FPS.
 
BOOM! Head shot.  BOOM! Head shot.  BOOM! Head shot. BOOM! Head shot.  Do you see me dancin', do you see me dancin'.
 
Dude-You know, he just like, he has lot's of energy, and always talkin' about like killin' people and stuff.
 
BOOM BOOM BOOM! Head shot.   I can dance all day. It's comin' down and it's like B-O-O-M H-E-A-D S-H-O-T!
 
Dude-And Uh, I think that's just alittle weird,  ya know.
 
 
 
Go on google. Videos, and type in FPS Doug....watch it man..it's amazing


Published On: 10/30/2006
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My Blog: Damn.
By: dead_tones


THE METAL BANDS I LIKE
Trivium,Killswitch Engage,Ozzy Osbourne, Rob Zombie,
As I Lay Dying,Shadows Fall,Deicide
Mayhem,It Dies Today,Every Time I Die
Norma Jean,Arch Enemy
Between the Buried and Me,Bullet for My Valentine,Unearth,HateBreed,The Black Dahlia Murder,A Perfect Murder
Cradle of Filth ,Cannibal Corpse
Venom,Cattle Decapitation,If Hope Dies
Walls of Jericho,Strapping Young Lad,Dissection,Lamb Of God,Phoenix Mourning,Silent civilian,Life of Agony
Agnostic Front,The Agont Scene,Immortal
Dimmu Borgir,Emperor,Six Feet Under,
Bleed the Sky,Exodus,Sepultura,
God Forbid,Black Label Society,
In Flames,Hypocrisy,Stonesour,
DevilDriver,Obituary,Opeth,SoulFly,
Spineshank,Suffocation,All that Remains,
Burning Skies,Death before Disco,
Caliban,Bury your DEad,Dead to Fall,
Haste the Day,Scars of Tommorow,
" I'M NOT EMO!!! f*ck EMOS! THERE A BUNCH OF PUSSYeS!"
 
THE PSYCHO PUNKABILLY BANDS
*THE BOTTLETONES, THE FLAMECATS, THE SPECTRES, MO7S, HAYRIDE TO HELL, GREEN MONTER, HELL SUCKERS, THE CRAMPS, THE QUAKES, NASHVILLE PUSSY, NEKROMAIX, KILL VAN HELSING, HORRORPOPS, TIGER ARMY.


Published On: 10/17/2006
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My Blog: lala
By: xXemomixtapexX


Preview my pics!!!
 
Check out the music list.
*My Chemical Romance
*Fall out boy
*Blink 182
*Aiden
*The Autunm Offering
*Atreyu
*Water Down
*Ring Worm
*June
*All American Reject
*Misfits
*Suger Cult
*Afi
*From first To Last
*Tiger Army
*Social Distortion
*3 degree Burn
*Sum 41
*The Distillers
*Bleeding Through
*The Casualties
*45 Grave
*A Kiss Could Be Deadly
*Abney Park 
*Alien Sex Fiend
*Android Lust
*Apoptygma Berzerk
*Aqua
*Assemblage 23
*Astrid Haven
*Bauhaus
*Bella Morte
*The Birthday Massacre
*Björk
*Black Tape For A Blue Girl
*Blutengel
*The Bolshoi
*Chicks On Speed
*Christian Death
*Cinema Strange
*Claire Voyant
*The Crüxshadows
*The Cure
*Danny Elfman
*Dead Can Dance
*Deadstar Assembly
*Death In June
*Dir en grey
*Diva Destruction
*Dope Stars Inc.
*The Dresden Dolls
*Elegy
*The Faint
*Faith and the Muse
*Fear Cult
*Fischerspooner
*Freezepop
*Funker Vogt
*Gravy Train!!!!
*Happy Thought Hall
*His Name Is Alive
*Jack Off Jill

 
 


Published On: 9/26/2006
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My Blog: like omg its me
By: Czeski


 enjoy long strolls through the park under the stars. I have no kids... LOL!... Yo! What's up? I'm Kel-c! Not KELSEY or KELSIE or KELSY or KELSE or KELCEY or KELCIE or KELCI but KEL-C. Now that my name is out of the way. I'm 14 almost *15* yay! My birthday is October 27th. My LIP is PIERCED... Um, I guess you can say that I have a lot of friends but I think I have a lot of acquaintances, JUST KIDDING! Yeah, I have enough friends to be happy! Some of my bestest friends are: Jessi, Danica, Steph and Alanna! I've known JESSI since 5th grade! She moved to T-Water from Italy(she's really from America, her mom was in the army...I think) and we've been friends ever since. I met DANICA the first time I sat in the back of bus 22 on my way to school (Horizon). I went to sit in the back with my brother Chris and all his "cool" high school friends! Danica and I have stayed soo close! ALANNA is my only close friend that IS NOT in the same grade as me. I had a crush on her but then I started to like someone else(Steph). Anyway be became friends at the first school dance of 2006. She got me stoned! What are friends for? She's really cool, so what now bitch??? Okay, last, I have STEPH(*myhiddeniloveyoumessage*). "Everytime We Touch" by Cascada is our song! I've known her for the least amount of time of all my three main friends. Um, we DID NOT get along at all, at first. But then we got to know each other. Well lets just say that on our way back from EMP we kinda sorta hooked up(well actually at the dance that same day). We are still pretty close friends and I hope we can stay friends as long as I have been with Jessi! <3 I love MUSIC <3. Yes, I am a BAND GEEK. I play *trumpet*. I'm okay at it haha. I am totally RANDOM at times. I have blue eyes that turn different colours(I like colour better then color). I'm kinda sorta outgoing but I can be super SHY! I'll listen to all types of music. But my favourite band would have to be... THE WAYS TO DEDICATE(Local band). I have three brothers, CHRISTOPHER(Chris, Carpet or Bro)*18*, TIMMY(Timmay, Tim or FAG) *12* and JUSTIN(Lil J) *8*. I'm a huge fan of the show HOUSE. I have one pet. His name is FEZ(like from "That 70's Show). He's cool! I go to the hick school of Washington, Nooksack Valley. Green Day totally rock, but only their old stuff! You can say that I'm smart but I do have my RETARD moments(a lot). I drink sometimes. Vodka rocks! I DON'T SMOKE... anything that isn't green! Uh, my favourite colour would have to GREEN because it just is. I love the Calgary Flames(Hockey), Seattle Seahawks(Football) and any LACROSSE team! I am very "strange" at times. I love to be around my friends. My movie would have to be "The Butterfly Effect"(It's just cool). My favourite quotes/phrases are "Fear the Spork, Gummy Bears Are Taking Over The World, You are: Online, and currently: Masturbating!, Fear Me, I'm Russian" and "I'm BISEXUAL, so I MUST be looking at you!" I love math, only because it's super easy! I hate people that think they are better then everyone else and religious people that try to shove their beliefs down my throat! My biggest FEAR is dying alone or losing all the people I love. I know how to say "I love you" in at least four different languages(Russian: I doune ye; German: Ich Liebe Dich; Spanish: Te Amo; English: I love you). If you think you're cool but you can't name at least FIVE friends then you ARE NOT cool! If you think you’re my FRIEND. You might want to double check with me. Oh yeah one more thing: DON'T f*ck WITH ME! I WILL GET YOU BACK AND BAD TOO! Damn this is soo LONG so I'm going to end this with a "Kthanksforstoppingbygood-bye!." One more thing, I AM A ROYAL BITCH but only if you piss me off! My nickname is even "The Russian Bitch." So, Kthanksforstoppingbygood-bye!

 

Peace Out!

 

<3 Kel-c <3



Published On: 9/12/2006
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Grow More Pot
by Jello Biafra
From I Blow Minds for a Living, recorded at Slim's, San Francisco, Nov 21, 1990


Does anybody out there know that for the first time in American history the U.S. Army was used in a war operation against the American people? Right near here, up in Humboldt County about 200 miles north of San Francisco right near a town called Shelter Cove, get this: three- to four-hundred American G.I.s dressed with automatic rifles and fully armed for battle, fanned out on maneuvers through the woods, backed up by a dozen Blackhawk attack helicopters. The mountain people up there were frightened out of their wits! They thought there was a war going on, especially the ones that had soldiers kicking in the doors to their cabins and putting guns to their heads in front of their children.

Why!? Who was the enemy in this war? Not the communists! Not Saddam Hussein! Not Earth First! or even the spotted owl. No! The enemy they called out the army to put down, secretly, so few people outside of Humboldt would get alarmed as possible, it wasn't even a person or an army or a terrorist group! It was a plant, the marijuana plant.

And they actually did manage to find a few for the G.I.s to pull up, and then they had to fly in more from the government stash so the pile would look big enough when they lit the bonfire for the network TV news cameras, so that they could say "Yes! Another triumph in the Drug War!"

Drug War. War. The American army sent to war against the American people. And we're supposed to feel relieved and secure and protected. Protected from what?!

A lot of people with more guts than I'll ever have risked their life and limb all last summer at the Earth First! Redwood Summer Action up in Humboldt County. They were chaining themselves to redwoods that were three times wider than they were, 800 years old, they were spread-eagled, as the saws buzzed right over their heads. They stood in the dirt as the bulldozers charged them and stopped right at their toes. Or people waved clubs at them, charged them with logging trucks, shotguns, you name it. All to try to save some of the last unspoiled virgin forest we have left anywhere in this country from being chopped down and turned into toilet paper, TV Guides and the Weekly World News.

On the other side the loggers saying "What about our jobs!? What about our families!? What about our lives?! You needed wood and cardboard to make those protest signs!"

We need fuel! We need paper! It's almost gone! Where are we gonna get more? The answer, for centuries, has been right under our nose: grow more pot!

If we're serious about saving the earth, saving the ozone and our freedom to go about saving the earth and the ozone, we should start by paying all those dirt-poor coca farmers in South America and out-of-work loggers in Fortuna and Eureka, and Midwest family farmers and rust-belt families too, to all get together and grow more pot!

Why? Get ready for this...! There's a book out called The Emperor Wears No Clothes. The author's name is Jack Herer. It's published by Queen of Clubs, and I think there's ads for it in High Times, or NORML, the National Organization for Reform of Marijuana Laws, could direct you to a copy I'm sure, and in this book, among other places, it is written that before the 20th century, the marijuana plant provided almost all the world's paper, all the world's clothing and textiles, and almost all the world's rope.

According to none other than the U.S. Department of Agriculture you can make four times as much paper from one acre of hemp plants as you can from an acre of trees. And instead of chopping down all the redwoods in Humboldt County and turning Northern California, Oregon and Washington and Appalachia into the Sahara Desert, if you do it with hemp plants, you can just grow another crop a few months later and make more paper! At one-quarter the cost of making paper from wood pulp and only one-fifth the pollution. The ancient Romans knew this and grew it, Henry VIII made each farmer in old England grow their share, because they knew if you want the strongest natural fiber there is, you all have gotta do your part for the King and grow more pot!

And we did, too! Guess what Levi jeans were originally made out of? And guess what American flags used to be made out of? And guess what the early drafts of the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution were written on? And if that's too un-Christian for you, guess what they made Guttenberg and King James Bibles out of? Guess what you can use to power a car? You can get at least four times as much cellulose to make gasohol or methanol from hemp stems as you can from a corn stalk. Which along with solar energy would be a great way to avoid dying for oil in Saudi Arabia.

In the 1920s and 1930s most American cars and farm machinery had the option of running on gas or on methanol; most racing cars still do run on methanol. And George Washington and Thomas Jefferson grew cannabis on their plantations and smoked it, too!

In the 1760s in the American colonies you could even be jailed for not growing pot! Because that was part of the key to becoming economically independent from Britain. Hemp was legal tender in the Americas, a substitute for money, from 1630 clear up to the early 1800s. And hemp seeds are a great source of protein, better than soybeans, and it's cheaper than soybeans, too. Or so says the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

Marijuana is legal for medical use in 34 states used to treat glaucoma and pain caused by cancer, and you can digest more protein from a hemp seed than a soybean seed. It's even shown some signs at being able to combat herpes. And, guess what kind of a parachute Mr. Drug War Junta-Man himself George Bush used when he bailed out of that bomber in World War II?

Hemp was illegal by then, but farmers were briefly ordered to grow it again in this country for the war effort and all, and the U.S. Army had their own stash all along in the colonies in the Philippines.

So, how did everything get turned around so damn bad? Doesn't it strike you as a little dumb that we burn oil and choke ourselves and chop down all our trees and ruin innocent people's lives by branding them criminals and throwing them in jails, or sending them off to drug camps, or taking all their property and selling it before they're brought to trial? In the process, making crack and heroin cheaper and easier to get than pot? Why do we do this when we don't have to?

Meanwhile the Police Chief of L.A., Darryl Gates gets front page approval for telling a U.S. Senate committee that pot smokers should be shot on sight. Because smoking pot is treason because, after all, it's illegal.

Why was marijuana cracked down on? And why was it done so violently? Well ... Ready?!

In 1936 Popular Mechanics magazine hailed the invention of a new machine to process hemp, predicting that marijuana/hemp would once again become the world's largest cash crop. This did not at all sit well with people like Hearst Paper Manufacturing or Kimberly-Clark or other cutthroat multinationals who happen to have large timber holdings. It didn't sit to well with tobacco barons for obvious reasons, and it sure as hell didn't sit too well with old buddies DuPont. Hemp processing uses only one-fifth the chemicals need to process wood pulp, and DuPont had just patented a new wood pulp sulfide process, and DuPont's patented plastic fibers had just passed up hemp as the No. 2 fiber, next to cotton, and they wanted to keep it that way!

And the last thing the big drug companies wanted was to lose their share of the ever lucrative disease industry market, to more affordable medicine made from marijuana or other natural ingredients because, check this out, you can't own and make money off a patent for medicine in this country, unless the medicine has chemicals in it. If it's all natural ingredients, you can't patent it. Maybe that's why we don't have access to a cure for cancer or AIDS, or why the health food store I go to keeps getting harassed by federal authorities for selling herbal medicines.

Meanwhile, guess who owns Congress? So marijuana was outlawed in 1937 and they fanned the racism fires playing the racism card just like they do when they want to crack down on rock-and-roll or rap or hip hop or something like that. They said that smoking marijuana might cause you to fall under the influence of listening to jazz! I believe that it was even said on the floor of Congress that marijuana had to be banned because smoking it might make a black man look at a white woman twice. And let's not forget that U.S. Treasury Department funded documentary film, called, "Reefer Madness!" So marijuana was outlawed as devil weed in 1937. Only 53 years ago it was legal. Need I say more, on why our beloved fearless leaders go out of their way to censor our access to information so damn much? Can you imagine the mass outrage if this kind of stuff ever really got out? And people knew that this big drug problem that they keep reading about and hearing about is being caused by the government themselves? And people knew how easily each one of us individually could turn our ecological and human crisis around without resorting to Nazi bullshi*t like oil wars and drug wars by just saying no! to George Bush.

And if people knew that the very companies that provide us with such crucial conveniences as Kleenex, paper towels and junk mail, have systematically and brutally rearranged every single one of our lives so that we are literally wiping our ass with out own future?

And it doesn't have to be this way! I mean, I'll tell you, I do feel kind of funny saying all this because I used to be a pothead and I hate smoking the stuff, and the whole low-energy stoner Deadhead vibe that comes with it. But, you don't need to smoke pot to realize that the real drug problem in this country is not the drugs. And we can help solve drug problems, crime problems, environmental problems - even our racial problems if we say no to George Bush and get together and grow more pot!


Published On: 8/5/2006
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so that guy turned out to be a dick and everything and then had the nerve to call me after i woke him up and he didnt say much so i hung up on him and appologized for whatever and doesnt understand why i am so hurt, i mean i wear my heart on my sleeve and really like(d) him and i just wanted to be liked in turn at least and he wants to be friends with me and he doesnt realize what the problem is and why i am angry and he said he doesnt want me to be angry at him and stuff so i dont know what is going on... al i know is that i just hope that there truly is someone out there for me that will make me happy and all of my dreams and wishes come true like a faerie tale but i dont know if he really is out there and it sucks donkey ballz to think that and i know that every one has been hurt at least once in their lives but why have i been hurt so many goddamn times in my 18 years that i have been alive? i mean this is the second army guy that has f*cked me over in the relationship area just within the time that i have been working at the movie theater i work at and it is so hurtful and i dont understand!!!! why cant i understand my own problems but i can understand my friends's problems???? it doesnt make sense other than that i have the outsider's view when it comes to friends and with me i have front row seats to screw- ups IT IS SO f*ckED UP!!!! so if there is anyone out there that could be my frog that will turn into a prince let me know cuz i really need it right now!!!!!
 
~Curbrider~
 
p.s. frankie, i think you are my frog and once i get to see you i will kiss you to see if you are truly the prince im looking for.


Published On: 7/29/2006
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Yeah, I'm Chinese and what?
Yeah, you know who this is, Jin
Let me tell you this
The days of the pork fried rice and the chicken wings
coming to your house by me is over

[Chorus]
Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
When the pumps come out, ya'll gon' speak Chinese

Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
Ya'll gonna wanna be Chinese (Fai dee chow ah!)
Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
When the pumps go off, ya'll gon' speak Chinese

Go f*ck with your head man
I know a bunch of crypts that love red man
Blood book in New York man things done change
Stop, the chinks be all over the game
This ain't Bruce Lee, ya'll watch too much TV
This is a game of death when I aim for your chest
Too much sex got me seeing slow motion
Eyes barely open with a roach roastin'
And your girl, she loves the gin motion
Rub it on her body like body shop lotion
What's the commotion, you never seen me? (ngaw)
The original chinky eye emcee
You don't want to step to the army
And Double-R rank refugee
And the battle of the gun gonna make you speak
another language
And amigo I ain't talking about Spanish

Ya'll gonna learn Chinese [wyclef: ladies]
Ya'll gonna wanna be Chinese [wyclef: fellas]
[Jin: umm hay ahh!]
Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
When the pumps go off, ya'll gon' speak Chinese

Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
Ya'll gonna wanna be Chinese
Fai dee chow ah!
Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
When the pumps go off, ya'll gon' speak Chinese

This one goes out to those that order four chicken wings
And pork fried rice and throw dice
In the hood, you think this is all good?
Till the cowboys roam through like Clint Eastwood

I wish you would come to Chinatown
Get lost in town, end up in the lost in found
Eyewitnesses, you must be crazy
We don't speak English, we speak Chinese
And the only po-po we know is the pigs on the hook out by the window
Every time they harass me, I wanna explode
We should ride the train for free, we built the railroads

I ain't ya 50 Cent, I ain't ya Enimem
I ain't ya Jigga Man, I'm a Chinaman
Ginseng in the palm of my hand
She looks surprised when she saw it in the palm of her hands
You know what's next? Safe sex
I'll be damned if I sleep in the flesh with the insect

[Hook]

(Woman singing)
[Jin: dee caw chong hu teng ah! wei da co deen wah bi ngo la.]
Mr. Jin, you are the sexist man
Mr. Jin, I love the way you do your things [Jin: zhan hay?]
Mr. Jin, you are the sexist man
Mr. Jin, I love the way you do your things [daw che]

[Jin]
The moral of the story is
Don't judge a book by its cover
I know you think he's fam, but he's really undercover
I saw his name on the affidavit
It was written in Chinese and this is what he said:
[yee can tong yan chan coon hay yung chu sau so]
Bring about some local hooligans and thugs so
Catch them at midnight when they close the shop up
Reading the Ten Commandments, cooking up hecka
Biggie Small posters are all over the walls
If they think you'd save me the bullet, it's over ya'll
Me, I'm just Jin just doing my thang
Just doing my thang, just doing my thang
["chong sau caw tum may tew chek mu"]
Why is there beef everywhere I go?
I'm drunk screaming, can't we all get along
My ladies with the thongs, my thugs with the firearms

Ya'll gonna learn Chinese [Wyclef: all the ghetto]
Ya'll gonna learn Chinese [Wyclef: all the suburb]
Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
When the pumps come out, ya'll gon' speak Chinese.
[Wyclef: Refugees]

Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
Ya'll gonna learn Chinese [Jin speaking Chinese: fai dee chow ah]
Ya'll gonna learn Chinese
When the pumps come out, ya'll gon' speak Chinese

(Woman singing) [jin: uh huh. oh]
[Jin: dee caw chong hu teng ah! wyclef! wei da co deen wah bi ngo la.]
Mr. Jin, you are the sexist man [ruff ryderz]
Mr. Jin, I love the way you do your things [Jin: zhan hay?)]
Mr. Jin

[Wyclef]
The game will never be the same [Jin: wan yeen luh]
Double-R refugees [Jin: fan ok luh]
First Chinese rapper [chu tow]
First asian rapper [ jin: wyclef!... Refugees]
yo g wutup
you got one right here man
[dee tong yan ka]
[wan yeen luh]
[wan yeen luh]


Published On: 7/21/2006
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in the land of dirt and plaster
lies an army of a thousand nowhere kids
losing ground and falling faster
into a life that no one should have to live

we are the people that you hate
we are the bastards that you created the f*cking bastards that you created
a generation with no place
a generation of all your sons and daughters

behind the fake family image
behind the smile of a thousand moms and dads
inside the cage that we've been given
i see an image of the future that we don't have

we are the people that you hate
we are the bastards that you created the f*cking bastards that you created
a generation with no place
a generation of all your sons and daughters

and what did you expect ... a perfect child
raised by tv sets ... abandoned every mile
we never get respect ... never a fair trial
no one gives a shi*t ... as long as we smile
 
we are the people that you hate
we are the bastards that you created the f*cking bastards that you created
a generation with no place
a generation of all your sons and daughters



Published On: 7/17/2006
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My Blog: DVS
By: DVS_SKATER_DVS


Chevy Ridin' High - Dre

Genre/Lang. : Hip-Hop

(of Cool and Dre Feat. Rick Ross)

[Intro]
This is, This is, This is, This is...
Chevy Ridin' High... (Ross)
Chevy Ridin' High...
Chevy, Chevy Ridin' High
Chevy, Chevy, Chevy Ridin High'
Today...

[Hook]
Chevy Ridin' High boy, Chevy Ridin' High boy
Chevy Ridin' High... Bumpin' gangsta music
Chevy, Chevy Ridin' High boy, Chevy Ridin High boy
Chevy Ridin' High... Bumpin' gangsta music

[Rick Ross]
I'm a real thug so my rims scrub
No black and milds the blunt filled up
I got a V-12 sweeter than the female
It feels like intercourse bucklin' the seatbelt
Picture all black down to the shoes man
Brought it from a Don gave his ass two thangs
Know him as the boss I swerve two lanes
Picturing Ricky Ross me and Dre do thangs

[Dre]
Listen up nigga I got an idea
I aim this K at you and you come off the pies nigga
I ain't playing fool this ain't X-box
But I can take you to the morgue and you pick out the best box
The rover ridin'(Dre), the chevy speakin'(Dre)
Yo' hoe she vibin'(Dre), She gonna let Dre hit it
I'm from North Miami ain't no secret homey
Quit acting hoe and walking like that chick Naomi

[Hook X2]
Chevy Ridin' High boy, Chevy Ridin' High boy
Chevy Ridin' High... Bumpin' gangsta music
Chevy, Chevy Ridin' High boy, Chevy Ridin' High boy
Chevy Ridin' High... Bumpin' gangsta music

[Dre]
Me and Ross back at it ya'll ass backwards
My homey Dirtbag (yesss) he got don status
Epedemic is an army Triple C is a navy
We combine and take over this state shiiit
My partner D. Wade keep a heat jersey on em'
I just tot heat from haters that try to hurt me homey
I got monopoly chesse I work the streets hard
Try to dodge the snitches with get out of jail free cards

[Rick Ross]
I sold food like ruby and gene's
I'm telling' ya my whole crew rock rubbies and g's
Put me in power when he threw me them thangs
I came back money bags and louie in seams
Crystial rosey yeah I poe that
We connected with Khaled we back door that
You see my wrist man keep your pink wrist bands
She can't believe I'm in a chevy even though I'm rich man

[Hook x4]
Chevy Ridin' High boy, Chevy Ridin' High boy
Chevy Ridin' High... Bumpin' gangsta music
Chevy, Chevy Ridin' High boy, Chevy Ridin' High boy
Chevy Ridin' High... Bumpin' gangsta music

 

 

NO MORE f*ckIN CHAIN MAILS



Published On: 7/13/2006
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first a little backstory: my friend kyle and i smoked weed monday ngiht, at kyles encouragement, ebfore he went home, his mom smelt it on him, and his parents now know he smokes weed, and that he smokes weed with me. Kyles dad is a loose cannon who can down 40+ beers in a day to himself.

and now for the days events. I went to kyles graduation party today at 2 oclock, and when i got there i know his parents saw me, but they didnt pay attention to my presence at first sight. fine with me. but on my way back to sitting down with my second plate of pig roast and potatoes, kyles dad stops me and says only loud enough so him and i can hear, he says "i want you to know that if you ever get my kid high again, im going to break both your legs. are we clear about that?" i mad eit clear that we were perfectly clear, and i went to finish my pork.

later on, i found myself standing in a group of maybe 8 or 9 people, all gawking at the harleys lined up in the yard, when kyle sdad comes up saying hes got a bunch of biker friends, about a dozen, coming to the party. relevence? kyles dad tells me that hes got biker buddies, and they kick peoples asses for fun(true story), and that theyre all unhappy with me for getting his kid stoned, and that he could have them all kick my ass if needed, all for getting his kid stoned.

add to that kyles sisters fiance, john, who is has currently spent 2 years in iraq jumping out of planes for the army, and is currently signed up to go abck for 2 mor eyears, also wants to kick my ass for "getting kyle high"(once again, he also doesnt know it was kyle that wanted to smoke). so thats 1 pisse doff drunken dad, 12 pissed off members of a biker gang, and 1 army soldier. life so far, is grand.

later on, i find myself once agian in a group of maybe 15-20 people, kyles dad the center of drunken attention, talking about the hunting knife hes going to take with him to sturgis for their harley trip in the summer. so kyles dad tells kieth, kyles little brother, half drunkenly joking to go get his hunting knife. now, this is no simple swiss army knife. this is a machine sharpened 12 inch hunting knife thatll cut your bones in half if needed. kieth actually goes and gets the knife, being the f*cktard that he is, gives it to kyles dad, who turns and starts waving it in my direction.

at this point everyone around me backs away about 5 feet, while i stand my ground and have kyles dad threaten my nutsack and general well being, asking how much i want to have children. at this point, bill, one of our incredibly genius friends, decides to say to kyles dad that i was talking shi*t about him when his abck was turned. thanks a f*cking lot cock boy. kyles dad gets about 5 inches from my face, knife in hand, asking if i am talking shi*t. i never flinched, instead convincing him bill was the one talking shi*t. knife gets put away, party goes on.

at this point the sun has gone down, the beer count has gone above 40 for kyles dad, and were all standing around the fire as shooting guns comes up as the topic. kyle asks his dad if theres anything he wants to shoot, besides the stupid neighbors, at which he responds, "yeah id like to shoot bush but he left a while ago". then we all bring it to his attention that im still there, well within earshot, and i smile and wave to his dad, and the conversation ends there.

10:30 pm, i finally leave the party, all limbs in check, with a 100 dollar bet against kyles uncle that i can go a whole year without smoking anything, and a 50 dollar bonus if i catch kyle smoking weed and punch him the face and/or nuts. drinking is okay, but until june 3rd 2007, i am to be clean.


Published On: 6/3/2006
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My Blog: YO!
By: Czeski


I enjoy long strolls through the park under the stars. I have no kids... LOL!... Yo! What's up? I'm Kel-c! Not KELSEY or KELSIE or KELSY or KELSE or KELCEY or KELCIE or KELCI but KEL-C. Now that my name is out of the way. I'm 14 almost *15* yay! My birthday is October 27th. My LIP is PIERCED... Um, I guess you can say that I have a lot of friends but I think I have a lot of acquaintances, JUST KIDDING! Yeah, I have enough friends to be happy! Some of my bestest friends are: Jessi, Danica, Steph and Alanna! I've known JESSI since 5th grade! She moved to T-Water from Italy(she's really from America, her mom was in the army...I think) and we've been friends ever since. I met DANICA the first time I sat in the back of bus 22 on my way to school (Horizon). I went to sit in the back with my brother Chris and all his "cool" high school friends! Danica and I have stayed soo close! ALANNA is my only close friend that IS NOT in the same grade as me. I had a crush on her but then I started to like someone else(Steph). Anyway be became friends at the first school dance of 2006. She got me stoned! What are friends for? She's really cool, so what now bitch??? Okay, last, I have STEPH(*myhiddeniloveyoumessage*). "Everytime We Touch" by Cascada is our song! I've known her for the least amount of time of all my three main friends. Um, we DID NOT get along at all, at first. But then we got to know each other. Well lets just say that on our way back from EMP we kinda sorta hooked up(well actually at the dance that same day). We are still pretty close friends and I hope we can stay friends as long as I have been with Jessi! <3 I love MUSIC <3. Yes, I am a BAND GEEK. I play *trumpet*. I'm okay at it haha. I am totally RANDOM at times. I have blue eyes that turn different colours(I like colour better then color). I'm kinda sorta outgoing but I can be super SHY! I'll listen to all types of music. But my favourite band would have to be... THE WAYS TO DEDICATE(Local band). I have three brothers, CHRISTOPHER(Chris, Carpet or Bro)*18*, TIMMY(Timmay, Tim or FAG) *12* and JUSTIN(Lil J) *8*. I'm a huge fan of the show HOUSE. I have one pet. His name is FEZ(like from "That 70's Show). He's cool! I go to the hick school of Washington, Nooksack Valley. Green Day totally rock, but only their old stuff! You can say that I'm smart but I do have my RETARD moments(a lot). I drink sometimes. Vodka rocks! I DON'T SMOKE... anything that isn't green! Uh, my favourite colour would have to GREEN because it just is. I love the Calgary Flames(Hockey), Seattle Seahawks(Football) and any LACROSSE team!  I am very "strange" at times. I love to be around my friends. My movie would have to be "The Butterfly Effect"(It's just cool). My favourite quotes/phrases are "Fear the Spork, Gummy Bears Are Taking Over The World, You are: Online, and currently: Masturbating!, Fear Me, I'm Russian" and "I'm BISEXUAL, so I MUST be looking at you!" I love math, only because it's super easy! I hate people that think they are better then everyone else and religious people that try to shove their beliefs down my throat! My biggest FEAR is dying alone or losing all the people I love. I know how to say "I love you" in at least four different languages(Russian: I doune ye; German: Ich Liebe Dich; Spanish: Te Amo; English: I love you). If you think you're cool but you can't name at least FIVE friends then you ARE NOT cool! If you think you’re my FRIEND. You might want to double check with me. Oh yeah one more thing: DON'T f*ck WITH ME! I WILL GET YOU BACK AND BAD TOO! Damn this is soo LONG so I'm going to end this with a "Kthanksforstoppingbygood-bye!." One more thing, I AM A ROYAL BITCH but only if you piss me off! My nickname is even "The Russian Bitch." So, Kthanksforstoppingbygood-bye!

 

Peace Out!

 

<3 Kel-c <3

 



Published On: 5/27/2006
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    Dearest Friends and Family,

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to 
send me your e-mails over the past 12 months.

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in 
the glue on envelopes, cause I
now have to get a wet towel with every 
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can 
remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these 
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be 
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a 
water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a 
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are 
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support 
our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a 
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, 
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible 
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive 
my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have 
their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking 
out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I 
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five 
minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is 
about to die in the hospital (for the 138,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I 
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for 
participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer own a car; I sold it when I found that there will always 
be someone leaving notes on it or waiting in the back seat to kill me.

Oil Companies will lower their prices if we all boycott gasoline for 
a day so I don't have to worry anymore.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will 
now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 
70 minutes, your phone will ring at exactly 11:00 PM (EDT), alerting 
you of a large dove with diarrhea that will land on your head 
tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back 
causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my 
next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's 
beautician who is a lawyer working at a Police Station somewhere.


Published On: 5/19/2006
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