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It was unknown untill it gradually presented it's self as a pre-conceived notion of happiness and a source of solace that one can throw themselves into oh so willingly knowing the full consequences of forcing a fallacy to become some abstract perspective of what one can only hope to be a reality.  Selfish acts such as what one has done can only be lived with on the lesson that one learns which is even though everything even remotely relevant to a significant other can not be forced or falsely believed to go how one may want it no matter if it always didn't go as planned in the past one has to let it be.  By despertately clinging on to the positive words said by another one can be put into a state of false reassurance that gets obliterated repetitiously by the biased thoughts that are always contemplated by one daily.  It's not an obsession it's the ultimate wish of ones life that was percieved to be actually in ones grasp.  It's the unfathomable feeling that one would want to be able to share.  The ever fluctuating emotions that are always felt is something that can throw one into multiple yet diverse states of depression excitement anxiety hopefulness that are harmful to ones resolve at times.  Never has it been within ones comprehension how someone elses words could be irrelevant but someone that is special to someone can send one into a downwards spiral of psychological bewilderment by just informing one of something that has even the smallest hint of the complete opposite of what one would want.  One's resolve struggles to stand strong but one is only human and can only withstand the tempting malicious charm of giving in and.....just putting one's heart where it belongs....which means alone to one's self.  One strives to analyze situations from diverse perspectives in order to do nothing but understand it all.  One....one would want everything to just be okay just for once.  Impossible it will always be for one to have ad ay of contemplation that doesn't include the single thought of....of you.  One read "surrender was never an option when it came to you" and one procured a perspective that from this day on there will never be just one anymore no matter what the future brings one will keep you in ones heart and when one looks back and notices one meant everything one said...one disappears.....now it's just me....just me standing here standing true to everything I have ever said...Just me remembering how it feels to actually believe for an instant that you meant what you said to me.  Just me sitting here everynight that I don't talk to you making excuses to myself as to why I shouldn't cry and just give up.  Just me at this very moment writing this full of tears as silent gags of regret escape my throat in front of these people I've come to call my friends.  Just me realizing as I am writing this...nothing will ever change.  Just me having even stronger feelings for you despite the conversations I've painfully yet silently endured about mutual association and "just friends".  Just me wanting you to know that I love you and I will always try to be there for you one way or the other friends, more than friends, even if we begin to drift apart and become nothing I respect everything you said and will understand your decisions in the future...I just want to say I'm sorry and I've never felt the need to be so apologetic in my life but it's just me now helping you
worrying you
annoying you
understanding you
respecting you
loving you
wanting you
missing you...
infinitely waiting for you....


Just me fully putting 110% in this all for you...
Just me...dedicating everything I have left to you....

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Here there are these new ads attempting to recruit police officers...They are photographs of cops, with a little quote, some personal testimony about why being a cop is so great, and there was one that featured a sargeant or something, saying how at his job, he gets to see all this CrrAzy stuff, that his job places him in the front seat of "the best show on earth"...
great, great, what a spectacle a rape scene is! And struggling with people maddened by their life-long systematic oppression...oh my, the things they say!
This kind of honesty in an advertisement, a pretty clear cut view into a cop's f*cked up psychology, the psychology of someone who clearly can find no other way to experience life, or actual shi*t-smeared neon pink numinous reality, is surprising, but also so nauseatingly self-assured that it makes me worry about living in a city where that kind of thing is unnoticed or acceptable to the majority...
putting your life on the line, encountering f*cked up shi*t within a well defined governmental/bullshi*t moral structure, is crass and f*cking boring to me...I'd rather burn a bridge while i walk over it.

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Reverse Psychology always seems to work....BR
hahahaha this is twice in one morning I''ve used it and its worked!!!!img src=/forums/icon_smile.gif border=0 align=middleimg src=/forums/icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middleimg src=/forums/icon_smile_evil.gif border=0 align=middlefont face=''Tahoma''/font id=''Tahoma''

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ok im gonna kill myself or sumthin... i gotta go sumwhere in portland to get a f*ckin pig...A PIG...i hate pigs... and then go to portland for a wedding...i dont even know whos weddings it is but im being forced to wear a dress....AHHHHH damnit...ok u know im lookin though a course i have to take called Practical Psychology and im gonna but the dumbest answer for em just to piss em off for making me take it, exp....Q. When deciding what 3 skills u want to develope what 3 options do u have?...A. pissin u off, doin what ever u dont want me to, and so forth lol, but yeah i suppose to be workin on my work right now but hey what the hell oh well i dont care im just sitting here watchin music videos and bein bored whats new.... welll l8r
\m/o.o\m/ RoCk On!!!
~*~KELSEY~*~

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