So for breakfast today I had licorice.
And then for lunch I had chips.
Thus far, getting fat is ridiculously awesome.
Now all I have to do is decide whether to find me a disgustingly huge man
when I go out partying tonight, or whether it's time to consider celibacy.

Hmmm....celibacy... 

I actually hate trying to be healthy.
Despite that though, I try so hard to buy things (....yeah okay, I get my
mom to buy things) that are good for me; fruit, granola, blah blah blah.
And then I proceed to eat popcorn and bagels all day. Don't look at me,
I'm hideous!
I also try and exercise....and by exercise, I mean convincing myself that
the walk from my house to the bus stop is actually half a kilometer (ie.
half a block).
So anyways, today while I was sitting at work eating stale French Fries
that I bought approximately two and a half weeks ago, I decided that I'm
not going to try and take care of myself at all anymore. That's right: I'm
going to let myself become morbidly obese.

So now that I've decided to become a heffer, I think that it's time to start..
uh, broadening my dating pool.
I mean, the only thing better than sitting
on the couch with one bucket of chicken is sitting on the couch with
an equally massive man and three buckets of chicken.
Maybe I'll start making eyes at the "fluffy" guys at the bar *nods*

And it'll be cool, because everyone knows that fat guys are nicer. Unless,
of course, he's one of those fat men who was born big boned, and
therefore angry at the world. And regularily shakes his fist at the open sky
(which is always a good indicator of an angry person).
Or....maybe he used to be hot, but then he like broke his leg at football
practice and had to join the chess club, making him angry at the world
as well as a little depressed.
OR! Maybe he was a fat kid who joined the football team to lose weight,
and then just as he was about to reach his Goal Weight and get his
picture put up on Jenny Craig's Wall of Success Stories he got blindsided
and broke his leg, joined the chess club, and killed four of his fellow students.
Ooh, a badass *rubs face in thought*


....
I really need to find some money and leave my house immediately.
My brain is going to give out.