Wednesday, January 09, 2008
for a better profile... powderdazed is the one i use more so then this
Monday, September 04, 2006
So for breakfast today I had licorice.
And then for lunch I had chips.
Thus far, getting fat is ridiculously awesome.
Now all I have to do is decide whether to find me a disgustingly huge man
when I go out partying tonight, or whether it's time to consider celibacy.
Hmmm....celibacy...
I actually hate trying to be healthy.
Despite that though, I try so hard to buy things (....yeah okay, I get my
mom to buy things) that are good for me; fruit, granola, blah blah blah.
And then I proceed to eat popcorn and bagels all day. Don't look at me,
I'm hideous!
I also try and exercise....and by exercise, I mean convincing myself that
the walk from my house to the bus stop is actually half a kilometer (ie.
half a block).
So anyways, today while I was sitting at work eating stale French Fries
that I bought approximately two and a half weeks ago, I decided that I'm
not going to try and take care of myself at all anymore. That's right: I'm
going to let myself become morbidly obese.
So now that I've decided to become a heffer, I think that it's time to start..
uh, broadening my dating pool.
I mean, the only thing better than sitting
on the couch with one bucket of chicken is sitting on the couch with
an equally massive man and three buckets of chicken.
Maybe I'll start making eyes at the "fluffy" guys at the bar *nods*
And it'll be cool, because everyone knows that fat guys are nicer. Unless,
of course, he's one of those fat men who was born big boned, and
therefore angry at the world. And regularily shakes his fist at the open sky
(which is always a good indicator of an angry person).
Or....maybe he used to be hot, but then he like broke his leg at football
practice and had to join the chess club, making him angry at the world
as well as a little depressed.
OR! Maybe he was a fat kid who joined the football team to lose weight,
and then just as he was about to reach his Goal Weight and get his
picture put up on Jenny Craig's Wall of Success Stories he got blindsided
and broke his leg, joined the chess club, and killed four of his fellow students.
Ooh, a badass *rubs face in thought*
....
I really need to find some money and leave my house immediately.
My brain is going to give out.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Three-sixty-nine, the thuggin goose was crunk off wine
The low ridin monkey was trippin’ high on aromatic pine
The ride broke, the monkey found some hoes
And they all went clubbin with his hard-earned dough
*Bling-Bling*
Saturday, December 31, 2005
My Dad: *drives into a curb* S-HIT! Oh, sorry girls, I shouldn't have used that language.
- 10 seconds later -
My Dad: *drives into another curb* F-UCK!
My Grandpa: *petting his cat* Tiki's going to die soon.
My Gramma: ..I hope she dies outside.
My sister: Hey, that's the guy that hit on me the other day!
Woman: ..that's my husband.
My Dad: This looks like Hai's room.
*my sister walks in*
My sister: Hey, this looks like a prostitute's room.
Me: If I were a guy, we'd be doing it right now.
Naomi: I don't like short guys.
Me: You wouldn't be able to keep your hands off me.
Fat Motorcyclist: f*ck! Get a move on!
My sister: Dad, that guy behind us is freaking out.
My Dad: I don't care, a man that fat should be walking anyways.
*while my mom is driving me and my dad, both drunk, home from the bar*
My Dad: Look out hunny! A beer caught in headlights!
My Mom: ...do you mean deer? Mike, that's a trash can.
*while we're watching The Little Mermaid*
My Mom: Hey, this looks familiar...I'm King Tritan and Hailey is Ariel.
Me: Yeah, because you consider yourself a reasonable merman.
My Dad: And you and King Tritan both have big nipples.
*later my mom re-enters the room*
My Dad: *bows* Your Nippleness.
waiting... waiting...boy waiting is fun... did i mention it's snowing at the moment? because it is. there's goes skating tomorrow. oh well
Thursday, February 17, 2005
i've lost my balls... well not technically considering i had none to start with. today i was riding at c o p. and all was good stomping the medium tables and stuff thinking, "i'm good i can go big" yea, not so much. i'm a flippin' pussy now! ugh, i just need to do i... i just don't have the breasticalls i used too. maybe tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
what a jolly good day i had. untill my curse caught up to me...gahhh nakiska, why do you hate me?
this all started at the tender age of six, i ripped of the toe part of my ski binding (yes i used to ski, and got my very first head injury. i thoughjt i was safe untill i caught my heel edge was going down head first. next was the second head injury, and the almost dislocating of my shoulder. last year was the gross knee thing...stupid tree stump.
this one tops them all...got a highback in the box,which required about 12 stitches and seriously wont be having sex for a while. oh man it was awesome before i hit ground. i was about 20ft up.
chances are i'm going to go out and jump next weekend.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
keegan...i love keegan. sessions with him are crazy. in the new casi manual the exact definition of a butter is: "spreading sick style accross the hill." no joke! this is what i learn from keegan...which reminds m i still have skittles in my work jacket. why do i alawys forgt, thn remember when it's to late to get them?
Thursday, December 30, 2004
holy crap, fernie was fricken amazing!
i don't know whay i would ride anwhere else, but alas i must, i'll just have to cling on to thoes precious moments, till next season when i'll do it all again.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
making turtles is a hell of a lot harder then originally thought...what have i got myself into?
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Some people hate taking Calgary Transit...I'm not one of those people. Examples? Well, alright, you talked me into it:
Drunk dude: "*pulls long blonde hair off his jacket* Ewwww, a wife hair!"
Some fourteen-year-old dude: "So, which of us looks older?"
Me: "Um, your friend?"
Dude: "What! But I have a mustache! *points to a hair on lip, which closely resembles an eyelash and has tape holding it to his face*"
Gothic chick: "Okay, so like, we can have a party, and serve potatoes sliced up, you know, and cooked in the oven...and we have to have bobbing for beer. But not cans, 'cause who can get their mouth over a can?! They'll be bottles!"
Dude: *blinks*
Gothic chick: ...*sings incoherently*
Old man: "Hello young lady"
Me: "Hi, how are you?"
Old man: *sticks finger in ear and smells it*
Me: *blinks, then gets up and moves*
Hot guy: "What's wrong?"
Me: "That old dude was picking his orifices"
Hot guy: "That's gross...hey, I'm going to meet someone downtown. In the dark. In fact, it's an alley where people buy laced pot. Want to come?"
Me: *blinks, then gets up and moves*
Bum: *stares at me without blinking for 20 minutes straight*
Me: *pretends to not notice*
Bum: *gestures to the empty seats around him and smiles a toothless, hairy grin*
Me: *pretends to not notice*
Bum: "Excuse me miss, but I was wondering if I could take you out sometime?"
Me: *gets a whiff of BO and chokes* "Um, no thank you"
Bum: "No? Oh...okay"
Today the bus took a sharp turn and my face went into someone's ass. Which is the ultimate example of why transit is just an absolute BLAST.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
it's about time. how many drinks do you have to share with your sick friends to finially become ill yourself? too long that's what i say. needless to say i wont be going into work this weekend. all thoes poor unlearned shred heads.
Friday, November 05, 2004
well it's that time of year again. the skateboard get's stored proudly in your room. while the snowboard comes out to play. i get to start work now, teachiing the newer generation of mini shred heads. yup this is gonna be great.
Friday, September 03, 2004
now that i have recovered from monday's camping aventure. i've decided threeways are super fun. specially when you get another chick off.
a party saturday, sure why not we'll go. yea...worst party ever. back to my house for hot tubbin' and food. brilliant, let's lick noami. haha yea.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
oi...do you guys ever get the feeling you've gone a three week bender? well that's how i feel. the funny part i haven't. just so f*ckin' sick, i hate it! grr! don't mind me i'm just hopped up on f*ckin' extra stregnth tylenol fever, and extra stregnth head ach, plus a healthy dose cough medicine...i'm prolly seeng things...
10 REASONS TO DATE A SOCCER PLAYER!
1. We know how to kick it
2. We are used 2 scoring
3. We love grass
4. Well make u scream 4 more
5. Sweating is no problem
6. Skill is definite
7. We'll play anywhere and anytime
8. We can go for 90 minutes in at least 11 different positions
9. Kicking ass is the same as smacking it
10. We always are on the top
First regular season today go chinooks!
i've been up since about 6 this morning. reason why: had a bloody soccer game at 9am on the other side of the city. needless to say the chinooks, distroyed foothills. it was 6-1 us at the half. we scored three more in the second. go defence
i don't understand the whole hockey thing that is going on right now. i mean it's may, should we be thinking more about the summeish spots like skating, wakeboarding, bmxing, and so on. sure hockey is my countrys national sport, but come on its practally summer.
speaking of summer i think i need a job, 'cause i don't think i want to resot back to last years adventure no matter how entertaining.
i think... i don't know for sure... but i think i have a boyfriend now. i really have no idea. but whatcha going to do about it? blow him i guess
today was a grand day. went to one class, not the standard four. i first met up kimm possible or just kimm whatever you want. whatever...moving on. exicted west can. upon crossing the street we see stelatron! or stella. this is where the adventure really takes off. the three of us go down to second cup to stunt our growth and so on and so forth with over priced coffee products. we were there for about an hour and a half laghing and talking about things that are not usually discussed in publique. we left and went for a sonter down 17th kimm decided she wanted a fag, yet she clase to be a non-smoker. so we went to the caff so she ould get one from her "boyfriend". kimm got a "buzz" from her fag, and there it was. a shopping cart. f*ckin' eh shopping cart! stella and i decided to claim it for our selves, kimm being the spiolsport smoker did not want a turn in the cart. so stela and i took turns being the item in the cart. kimm went to school, while stelatron and i wentt on an adventure.
we first made our way to millenium park to show off our hot new "wheels". perhaps you saw us. some laughed, while others gave looks they wanted a turn. i fell out. after that little misshap we sent out for the downtown core in the shopping cart. oot and aboot scaring the business people out on lunch. we offerd one lady a ride, but she said tomrrow.
it started to get cold, so we headed back to stela'shows for popcorn made the old old fashioned way. in a pot on the stove i was amazed. then settled in for a bitchen movie, hard core logo. it was a super fun day.
p.s. the cankles rule
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