So.. I got back from my trip not too long ago; Friday I think. On my trip I had a lot of time to think.. likee, I guess I realized before I left that I was heading down the wrong path, the path of deception. I was trying to decieve people by lying to them to get my way. I realized it had to stop, so I looked at my life and the situation I was in and understood that right now I'm at a fork in the road, and I can take this new path.. or continue down the same path. I picked the other route. I know now, that I need to be honest with people and not just tell them what they want to hear. I told myself I was going to change who I've become. I've been doing a pretty good job lately, compared to how shi*t was before I left.
What I didn't realize though... was that was only half of what I would learn out of all of this. I made a mistake yesterday. and hurt someone ever so dear to me.. I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late and I SCREWED UP. I'm admitting it.. I feel so guilty just thinking about how I could do that, knowing what I was doing. It just... really got to me. I had alot of conversations with people in the past 24hours and I realized yet another thing I need to change. I guess I overestimate alot of people.. and thats not right; I have to get my priorities straight. I need to determine whom I need to really be paying attention to, and who is just looking for my attention for kicks. Who matters, who doesnt..
I didn't sleep last night. I was talking to my best friend and it was the best ever.. it meant soo much to me. Layed on my grass in the backyard listening to music, then at 5:30am went to the park and sat on the hill watching the sunrise...(beautiful..like just breathtaking) and.. sittin there, watching the sunrise took me away from reality, i thought about soo much.. I tried looking at my life from an outside perspective and realized how truly lucky I am.. to have all the great people I have involved in my life. I have so many good friends and my family who I would risk my life for, and who would do the same for me in a heart beat. Alot of things I take for granted.. Seeing the sunrise also made me see the dawning of a brand new day.. a day so special... like, you may think I'm going crazy or something but really, what would we do without today... seeing that sunrise, seeing the beginning of a new day with new oppertunities, another day to another chance to prove my love to everyone I love, another chance to have the honor to feel the love of all my friends and my family--the people who made me the person I am today. Another chance to fix past mistakes and prepare for our future. What if we never got another chance? ..just think. without today, how it would be.. if we ended on that bad note with that one person, all the regrets we would have by only thinking about ourselves but then not having the chance to later explain yourself better and make things okay again.. every day is a gift. and one day; it could end... you may not be able to recieve this amazing gift. So be thankful... for everything you have..even if it isnt alot, especially when you wake up in a brand new day.. thankful for another chance. Your past is your past.. you can't fix it, change it, alter it.. nothing. ..its there; forever, it will never change and you will always be haunted by memories of it. But you can't live in it.. moving on and accepting things is the only cure.. you never know what the future holds.. but you sure play a huge part in it. But the amazing thing.. is that you CAN change the present. There are alot of reasons to feel sad in any given day.. but on the bright side, there are also soo many reasons to feel happy. Somebody out there cares.. no matter how alone you feel. Always. You only get one shot at this game called life.. and your allowed to make mistakes. alot of mistakes, barely any, it doesnt matter... humans make mistakes continuously and there is no limit.. we're only human. And there is no such thing as perfect. Everybody deserves a second chance. I hope this makes sense.. I stayed up all night thinking about all of this, I’m so overcome by emotions and feelings and thoughts that I really don’t know what I’m thinking but I’m trying. I’m willing to change myself for the better will of the people around me. It wont only help them, but also myself. Anyone who reads this.. I want to say I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt you in any way.. by an unkind word, a look, the way I said something to you. Nobody deserves to be treated bad, but yet it happens. All the time. And I won’t follow the trend. I am truly sorry. Especially the people I hold so dear to my heart.. I know you are the ones I’ve hurt the most.. I love you guys, and I’ll take advantage of every new chance I get to prove it to you. Please forgive me; and I promise it will never happen again. <3we sleep we eat we drink and all for what? to live. but what is life if your not happy, if nothing you do can make yourself happy? you need to find a happiness in your own heart.. not in other things..and well that is life i guess, its one big struggle and a sadistic game that somebody is playing with us as peices. but we have options.. i guess i want to leave you with a thought; that.. what if there is more to life than getting up, eating, going out, comming home and reapeating it again and again. life is the sole existance of people and it therefore should be lived to its fullest potential by people.. so do that for me, live your life to the fullest with whomever times may be had with. do it to the fullest potential of what you can and enjoy it remember you only live once. Time Goes, Time Flies, But The Memories Of The Past Stay With You For The Rest Of Your Life. we are who we want to be, and we make who we are and who we're with. Remember, everything you do influences somebody.. if you have love you have to fight to keep it..;lovealways,alwayslove <33 Nobody said it would be easy finding your way through another day, but I'll always be here for you guys.. and if I don't make it.. know that I loved you all along.

-Katherine Elizabeth

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