Friday, November 25, 2005

To start, I must say, you kids are retarded. Im yet to see anything of worth to read.

The point....


I got a job at starbucks mainly because I knew they were gonna take over the world, and I wanted to be on the winning side. But it has come to my attention, that Google, is now strong, and in the race for public global (hostile) takeover.

I shall pit them against each other, in a battle royale-esque clash of the titans sorta thing.

                                          BATTLE OF THE MILLENIA


Google: Google World
                 vs.
Starbucks: Christmas Blend

Google world is like the illest program in the whole world. I found my old place in Saskatoon, in very little time at all. You can see full 3D, really pretty versionsof the worlds greatest spectacles. Such as: The Grand Canyon, Great Wall Of China, and just about anything else you can think of

*Starbucks Christmas Blend is a rich blend, of aged Indonesian coffees, and Central American coffees. Each bean, specific to its region, gives the coffee its distinct, spicy aroma. Perfect for holiday gatherings, or to keep warm by a fire. Coffee experts created this coffee, to have a perfect blend, of spice and flavours.

Winner: Google World!!

Seriously, its good coffee, but come onnnnnnnnnn! Google World!!

*I didnt even copy this from anywhere, isnt that scary?? Thats seriously how they talk at Starbucks!!

Google: Search Engine
       vs.
Starbucks: Eggnog Latte

**Google became a 12 billion dollar company as soon as they became a publicly traded company, from 100 million before. OH SNAP! Thats a chunk a chedda there.

Eggnog is like the best thing ever. I have no idea how much Starbucks is worth.

**Not researched.

Winner: Eggnog Latte!

Seriously, EGGNOG! FUCK!


Google: GMail
       vs.
Starbucks: Frappucino

Gmail, is pretty feckin sweet, it records your emails as conversations, you never have to delete anything, you get an original email address. None of that cam_b_69@hotmail.com crap. (man why WASNT that my email address!!).

Theres nothing like a cold blended beverage to cool you down on a hot summer day...remember summer, Mint Mocha Chip Frappucino Blenede Coffee! Ugh. Give me a break. Someone gets paid WAY too much money to come up with those slogans. At least it s not, "I'm lovin it!". that said...I want some McDonalds...You have NO IDEA how bad Frappucinos are for you. You might as well inject pure, liquid, DEATH into your blood stream. Plus, the Green Tea Creme's are wack! Unless you get them with no Melon syrup. Then its not bad at all.

Winner: Gmail duh.

I sure hope Gmail doesnt turn out wack.

Well those are the main playing fields for now. I cant wait to see the newest weapons in this ultra-war of the digital age. I dont even know what Starbucks has cookin right now. All I know, is that we gots to sell some espresso machines!! Christmas time and all. I think I might buy a coffee maker, theyre on sale, plus i get 40% off next week.

Current winner: Google.

Simply for my own sake and current status of being alive, it would be beneficial if Starbucks pulled some sort of trick out of their sleeves. We will see.

-cam

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Published by easyc: 4:59 PM

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Your daily boring life. Seriously, i go to the recent blogs, thinkin maybe someones got something interseting to read. NO. its a bunch of douchebag pansies, thinking its a chat room. if you want a chat room, please follow this easy, step by step guide, to allowing literary genoius to flow. I think taiwan vaughan would have some damn good blogs. to shame if im gonna miss them.

Step 1

www.google.com

Step 2

Fill in the blank! (isnt this easy kids??)

Chat rooms

Step 3

Dont come back.

I give you full permission to copy and paste this guide. Be free children!!

-cam

(first hate blog, and counting)

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Published by easyc: 12:52 AM

Monday, November 21, 2005

Dear Gentle readers,

     If you are reading this, thank you! You have made the correct choice in your literary masturbation for the evening, afternoon, whatever. I however will forwarn you, that all of your IP addresses have now been copied by my super high tech gadgetry, and I will begin the theft of all known pornography on your computers on the next turn of the moon. Thank you for your consideration.

     In other news, I have done little to nothing with my day. Most people, especially those close to me, would take the latter route in describing my daily life. They have supplied me with lists of things to occupy my time with, as follows:

-get a job
-put on a shirt
-stop listening to Iced Earth
-drink less alcohol
-respond with yes's or no's as opposed to general grunts of dis-satisfaction
-bathe


    They go on like this for a few more pages. However, I thought maybe I would beat them at their own game! I took this list as a challenge, a proof reading challenge! I'm such a great guy, that I wouldn't want my loved ones to be so wrong about me. So I made the following changes:

-rob more homeless people
-join a nudist religion!
-listen to Preist
-......?
-my vocabulary suffers in the wake of a fresh case of beer
-how do I trick the homeless people then??

    I haven't seen anyone for quite a few days now, I made sure I got my point across to them however, several small plates were sacrificed in the effort to make my point clear. That's just how much I care about my friends!

-cam

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Published by easyc: 11:20 PM

Monday, November 21, 2005

I wrote this on another site. But it needs to be put here as well.

Wackness

Hokai.

So. It came to my attention, that, this girl I know in saskatoon, is pretty wack. Conversations arose, and insults were thrown about, then it was decided that a formula must be conceived to rate people's "wackness". Definitions are a must as well.

Wacker(adj.)-being more wack then one was, previous to now
Wackest(adj.)- the most wack
Wack daddy(n.)- a dealer of wack points
Wack points(n.)-determines if you are "bunk" or not
Bunk(adj.)-being totally wack
Wack(adj.)-being less then bunk, but way more wack then meatheaded

The Wack Points system.

Simply, 20 wack points are equal to 1 bunk point. The more bunk points you have, the ****tier a person you are. 20 bunk points do not equal anything. If you HAVE 20 bunk points, youre like almost as bunk as Linkin Park. I think Linkin Park has like, 35 bunk points or something. It's pretty bad.

How you get wack points.

Inclusive, but not limited to:

-being a narc (I don't think I've said that since.....ever...)
-being a cheerleader*
-stealing my ****
-doing fake ass illusion hardflips
-being in a pop punk band
-worshipping a false god (G.O.D. represent)
-liking nu metal
-you saw White Chicks
-you thought White Chicks was wicked sweet


*cheerleader-someone who goes to one of those wack house party's with smirnoff ice coolers, drinks half of them, then stumbles around all night yelling about how drunk they are, and end up crying all the time

The division of the points is of course, circumstantial. I think I spelled that right, kick ass.

Please take kindly these words, they are definetley meant as wisdom. And if anyone wants to write a lil' book about them, reminiscent of one say...."The Holy Bible", please do feel free to contact me.

-cam

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Published by easyc: 7:56 PM