Twas the night beforTwas the night before Christmas
And all through the house;
Everyone felt shi*tty,
Even the mouse.

Dad drinking whiskey,
Mom smoking grass,
I had just settled down
For a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
That I sprang from my piece
To see what was the mater!

He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of Hell,
I knew right away
That the fat f*cker fell.

He filled all the stockings
With pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick,
For my brother the queer,

He rose up the chimney
With one hell of a fart;
That son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed
As he flew out of sight;
Shouting "piss on you all,
Have a hell of a night!"

Merry Christmas!