My eyes are pained by tears decieved.
Bloodshot and tired
Yet... unable to close unaware of the anguished shadows amongst the corners of darkness.
Whether a beast ready to pounce and rip the throat from its unexpectant prey
Or a lovely, lonely child with no family by their side to comfort them in their time of need.
No education, only the thoughts of what they could become.
Their conscience invaded by memories of painful pasts.
The awkward silence that fell so deafening on the world on intensity.
A fierce roaring, heaving, malignant monster
The jumps from the shadows, but I cannot run!
My lungs are full,
My heart stoned and frozen in place.
Forever pained into one catastrophy
Then thrown full force into another.
Pinned beneath the shattering glass of life
Broken hearts,
Shattered dreams.
The call came as I walked inside with groceries, bookbag and keys.
The door propped open for me.
But I didn't realize as I did my life would change forever.
I put the groceries on the table struggling for the machine flickering with excitement.
To hear that cracked and broken voice immediately I knew something was wrong.
He heard voices in his head, he went crazy, he's dead!
The static built, reality hit, and I came to my knees: and at that moment I felt alone, he was my world.
But all I could think of was how to stop the tears?
The voices he heard had they actually been there, or were they unreal?
My question came to ask what I could not explain.
"Was it true?" were my words, I buried my head in my hands and cried.
When was he coming home?
That simple question... when?
The congregation of death angels sat silently awaiting his last breathe.
How do you find the answer when its what you'd hated to say?
I closed my eyes and said to myself "He's not coming home today, or anyday."
I looked back at the phone and at my image in the mirror the tears I tried to hide broke free.
While I cried I whispered "Maybe angels can use phone."
I picked up the phone, and in my small desperate voice to say goodbye
I said "I'll miss you Tommy... and tell Jesus I said 'Hi...'"
Then I put the phone down innocent and looked into the sky and smiled.
I knew I understood what he had done more than anyone gave credit for a child.
My arms wrapped around myself I told him how I loved him through my tears.
Mature beyond my years, perhaps I should've been angry that I lost part of my soul, but the presence of an angel gave me strength to fill that hole.
I must act with patience and live all my days with pride but I know there will be times when I am weak in word and deed, it gives me strength to know those times Tommy will surely lead!!!...
I've learned the awkward silence is real in my life
As Tommy's head laid down upon the bed of sweet silk, his last and final bed.
There was no life in this imitation Tommy that cold body cradled inside the ornate casket.
To be lowered into the benouned earth.
A ghostly hole dug especially for him.
Touching his lifeless body with the curiousity of a child
Shocked by how cold his skin felt.
In life he had been warm and soft and smelled faintly of water.
I didn't recognize the strange, icy skin of death.
Glancing in the distance in an uncommon flash of insight, I knew what they were thinking: I'm glad this isn't you.
We no longer felt fear or pain,
Only anger over the past -
For a friends lost hugs and our lost innocence,
For his dim weaknesses, our unbearable guilt,
and for his painful destruction!
Goodbye is the hardest thing to say...
