I shake and tremble as I cry myself to sleep
I clench my bed sheets because the pain so deep
So deep that I wish my ears would fail me so I didn’t have to listen to the unbroken line of name calling
Do you hear that beat slowing that’s my impulse too survive falling?
The depression had beat me down so far to the point where I didn’t care if I lived or died
So I clutched the handle of the knife that grabbed my wrist and went for a ride
No stop signs down this avenue of self-mutilation
I bleed away the pain as I look to the knife for my corrupted self-beautification
The voices in my head say it’s going to be better
I don’t get it I’m still not any deader
My suicide note; cryptic hieroglyphics in the back of my skull
This silver razor was once sharp but I have now left it bloody and dull
That night blood leaked from the channels that ran up and down my arm, dripping from my fingers; my blood ran cold on my bedroom floor
Night after night the pain that pierced my heart screamed for more
And I gave and gave to the blade more stains
I kept my peace as I waited for my heart to give in and leave everybody with nothing but my remains
I never had anybody so the only thing that was on my mind was death
I wanted nothing more then to stop my breath
Each night the man in black failed me by not letting me have my final rest
When I let the blade slither and do it’s best
I craved for my name to be cast in stone
Now if I had died out on God’s acre my grave would have been left all alone
Not a visit from mother or a flower from father
I was just another blurred face in the picture why would they bother
As a gift I would receive six feet of earth to become rotten
At school not one tear would roll off a cheek because I’ve already been forgotten
Just another empty desk, another empty locker
I am dead now and they say ‘it wasn’t really a shocker’
Anyone of you could have stopped this
But im not a care, not even a miss
Im just a problem with no solution
My mind always filled with death and pollution
Alls I wanted was a friend
To late now here comes the end
Why couldn’t I just get one hi!
Now you will be able to give it right after I die
Never see me smile, never hear me laugh
Not ever again will I walk down this path
You just wait and see the wrath
All alone in the after life
Nothing’s changed in this strife
Was it a mistake that I died?
Each time I cried and each time I lied
I turned my back on you and myself
I put my thoughts of living down on the deepest darkest shelf
Swear words get spit in my face
As I begin to fall from this place
What is this life really worth?
From this day since birth
I just don’t know
But I must lock away my evil soul
So it doesn’t hurt anyone anymore
Rotting it skips the outer surface and goes straight to the core
I try to grasp life but it slips away
As I lay myself down to sleep in my grave today
I thought I had this battle won
Oh my god what have I done
Too late to escape I can’t even run
Because I have now left myself and everyone
What does this mean?
When I’m gone, invisible, and not able to be seen
The finish line of life is coming quick
Turn your head because it’s going to be sick
My god was death it’s what I hailed
My life a train off the tracks f*cking derailed
A pile of ashes
A clutter of gashes
The expression on his face as he thrashes
Around his neck the rope tightens
How ironic he told everyone in a poem that he’s going to die now it’s been heightened
The voices in my head have now taken control
As I think to myself in leaving this world a burning amber of coal
f*ck I have to give up its too strong, it’s sucking me in
It’s pulling and scratching at me; HELP! This is a fight I won’t win
Cold and Soaking wet
This is what I get
A brain drenched in suicide
From the dark clouds of pain in the back of my mind I couldn’t hide
I’ve been infected by a virus of self-destruction
The razors, the blades, the bullets, the rope they all have there seduction
Silence has overwhelmed the smiles and laughter
As I sway side to side; hanging from the rafter
No breath no beat
Nor pulse, nor heat
Where was the love?
When I fell from six feet above
No guilt, no regret,
Now turn the page and forget
My life like a book with chapters missing as I left it with no ending
It came to fast there was no defending
No one will be my saviour
Because they turn there head at my twisted behaviour
I can’t fight, with any strength so where will I go, a coffin is where is seems
For my final words this is what it means
I screwed up and failed the tests
Stopped the pumping in my chest
Lost each lesson in my mind
To a far away place I will never find
So I close my eyes
So my chest can refuse to rise
I gave up hope
Because in this life I couldn’t cope
There’s nothing here so I guess I lost and shi*t
No redemption, no second chances, I failed, I quit
this is a part of my life that was very difficult and this was my only way of surviving by writing about how i felt. now i am a much happier person.
