Scrooge Mcduck
Duck Tales. What a cartoon. Who can honestly say that they haven't kicked back and watched scrooge and his nephews go on some crazy adventure, all the while trying to save the gold from the beagle boys’ clutches? It used to be one of my favorite pass times! But alas, nothing is good forever. I realized it was a lie. Scrooge McDuck was defying physics on a daily basis. What am I talking about, you ask? The infamous coin dive!
We watch scrooge plunge into a pool of coins off his diving board, and swim through it effortlessly. Obviously the creators of this cartoon think quite lowly of us, as if we are too stupid to realize that such a feat is impossible. If you've never noticed this before, I will go into further detail about the impossibility of the stunt.
First of all, coins aren't liquid. They are obviously made out of metal. We'll assume they're gold, because Scrooge would stoop no lower then the best, right? Now, to submerge into a pool of gold coins would be impossible, unless heated to 2807 degrees Celsius, the point at which gold boils. Assuming he did this, they would loose their coin shape and turn into a giant gold brick with a quite dead scrooge melted inside. This option is obviously out of the question.
In reality, he would smash into the coins like a brick wall. Imagine the look on Huey, Dewey, and Louie's faces to walk into their great uncle's Sky scraper-sized vault, only to find him dead, blood splattered amongst the coins.
Ok, let’s assume for a moment that it was possible. But then... swimming through coins? Even more unlikely! If it’s impossible to dive (with the assistance of gravity and momentum) then surely paddling through the coins with nothing but your arms and legs as tools is surely ridiculous! A more likely mode of transportation would be to walk on top of the coins! That way, you're guaranteed one less fractured skull.
And who really wants to bathe in money? You might as well bathe in dog feces! Money circulates non stop (unless some greedy old bastard locks it up inside a huge vault for no real reason), and after all those people touching it, its very likely you're going to pick up some diseases after rubbing it all over your body. Why do you think your mother told you not to put money in your mouth? It’s dirty. Scrooge's mother obviously didn't care about him one bit, and it shows.
And it’s not just dirt on those coins. Think of all the drug deals that must go down in Duckburg! I bet there are traces of cocaine and other drugs all over those coins! This would explain why scrooge would repeatedly dive into his coins, even though the thrill of the stunt was lost years earlier. He was addicted to cocaine. It would all start with the first harmless dive (in reality it would result in a fresh look at old Mcduck's brains), and then he wants another! and another! And soon, he realizes he could just spend the gold to buy his own coke! So slowly, the gold pile diminishes. He spends millions on his addiction every year, just because he can afford it.
But one day, he goes to take his daily dive, and he hits rock bottom. Literally. He's out of gold. What would an old drug addict do in that situation? Sell his nephews, of course! I know you probably think the idea is ridiculous, but think about Scrooge for a moment. Has he ever cared about anything other then money? He knows he could get a pretty penny for 3 young, hard working ducks such as his nephews. Enough to get his fix for a while longer.
Inevitably, he would die an old, lonely, drug addict death. Well actually, he would have died the second he struck gold... with his head. I am writing this as a warning. Do not pile up your gold in a huge vault! Spend it the second you get it! That way, you avoid dangerous pile ups that could tempt you to go for a swim. And we all know where that leads.
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